And now the end is near...

Bonjour.

Not written in a while, have I? Well, there isn't all too much to say. I'm in a list-writing mood so here's a list of things that made 2012 a bit different:

-I finished my GCSE's
-I came up with a project
-I gained £4,000 for the project
-I interviewed Matt Cardle
-I saw Olly Murs live (eeep!)
-I will be able to say I have been a bridesmaid come 2 weeks time
-I held two charity events
-I had whiplash from a traffic collision (still have whiplash)
-I gained a guardian angel
-I actually passed BTEC Science
-I went to England like... 4 times
-I went to the Eisteddfod for the first time
-Had the hiccups for 30-odd days in the row and 17 in a row now.

Hmm.. I can't think what else really. So here's my New Year's Resolutions:-

-To try and be less of a klutz.
-To try harder. Like with my ambitions and shizz
-To be stronger. More emotion-wise than physical but that'd be a bonus
-To try and not over think
-To keep an eye on my money
-To continue my work with Inspire, CLIC and charity
-To get back on my feet after the unfortunate things that pulled me back this year

Yeah, that's about it really for NYRs.

I'm currently sitting in bed, freezing like mad and in pain. Why? Well, I was recently involved in a traffic collision. Basically, some loon swerved and cut across the bus we were on and the driver slammed his breaks down and my dad went flying down the isle while... Well.. I can't remember what even happened to me. I just remember looking down at the floor to see my dad laying there and screaming"DAD" because I thought he was unconsious. He wasn't, thankfully, he was just a bit stunned.

The ambulance came, checked us over, put my dad on a spinal board, wired me up for a bit (yeah, not sure why) and then took us to Heath hospital because we were in Cardiff so Royal Glam was too far.

I rang my parents before boarding the ambulance and they met me when we arrived along with my brother who was going to take my dad home after being checked over. We were there for hours and I didn't get to see my dad after that. He was taken elsewhere and was still being checked after I had left.

I waited 3 hours to be told I had to see my GP the following day and they refused to see me so I had to go to my local hospital to be seen. How ridiculous? All that just to have someone say I needed painkillers. Oh well, we're both okay, anyway, just in a lot of pain.

So that's my story about being in a traffic collision. It's not fun and I despise the driver of the car with a passion. Someone could have died if one little thing was done differently. Could have been me, could have been my dad or even the little kid who had a right beaut of a bruise across his face, bless him. I swear some people don't realise they are made to take a driving test FOR A REASON. Oh well, it's been done now and we have the number plate. He didn't even get out of his car to see what damage he had done. Tosser.

Right, I'm off. I'm cold and it's 2:45. I think I have Insomnia. Again.

Just a load of rambling

Yo,

So, I've had a hard few weeks. I've stuck close to my family but I've still accomplished things, too. You know my project, Inspire? Well, I went to London a week ago and received funding. We now have aprox. £4,000 worth of funding. Pretty cool, huh? And the coffee morning we held for Macmillan Cancer Support raised £372.26, which is pretty damn amazing. Pleased? Chuffed? Hell yes. Just £25 can pay for 1 hour's work with a Macmillan nurse and a patient.

Anyway, I've been off college for a bit because of what I mentioned in the first line, but I'm planning to collect work next week and then start back after half term. I feel like utter manure because of all of this, but sometimes things get in the way and you can't help that. You have to put it in front of other things. That's exactly what I have had to do the past few weeks.

"I've found out who my real friends are." A quote I keep saying now and then but it keeps proving me wrong. I've lost friends, I've gain friends. But I've learnt that that's exactly what happens throughout all of life. Sometimes, friends will stay with you throughout it all, but you will always keep losing and making new friends. Maybe your old ones were too immature, maybe you just had different paths to take, but maybe these new friends have a whole chapter waiting for you full of adventures and roller coasters. You just have learn that life is a bitch- learn to f**k it. I'm starting to take a grasp on that now. I'm growing up. I'm learning.   I make mistakes. I learn from those mistakes. It's what I do. It's what we're all meant to do. I get beaten verbally for making mistakes, but the truth is, those very people are making mistakes, too, but they are too busy noticing my mistakes to realise their own. So from now on, I won't focus on other's mistakes, but focus on my own. Maybe I'll see other people's mistakes, but I won't try and alert them of them- they can find out on their own. I had to.

On a less deeper note- I am doing a lot of charity work lately. I'm doing a sponsored silence with my friend, Jess, next month in aid of Children in Need. It will last the whole day, so it's going to be tricky, but I'm going to do it! Fancy sponsoring us? go to this website or text SHHH55 £1 to 70070. Any donation is greatly appreciated! I'm also helping Macmillan with some events they have in mind and some events for Nantgarw Community Library which is located in my college. It should be very fun. I have so much planned and I cannot wait until I can share all what I'm doing with you guys. I'm also nominated for 7 CLICawards this year! Wow! I am so excited! Again, lots more to tell you about that and other relative things, so if you can be bothered- keep your eyes peeled!

I'm going to naff off now, because Stand up to Cancer UK is on Channel 4 and my amazing friend, Cat Southalll is on there with her amazing "The Big C" choir!

Norning <3

Staying Strong

Hey guys,

I haven't been myself lately and you can't really blame me. I'm not going to say what's happening but let's say that it's family stuff and Macmillan Cancer Support are needed. Times are hard and I'm studying for college at home. It's really frustrating because I've only been there a month and I'm already doing work from home. Frustrating much?

Anyway, I suppose this is just a "what's been going on" type of blog for those who care. I've just been living life back to front- sleeping all day, awake all night. I couldn't be more thankful for my family and friends right now, thought. The support has been amazing and I hope the painful journey won't be all that long.

Saturday, we went to the Elvis Festival in Porthcawl which cheered us up and it was pretty fun. I had a photo with a bunch of Elvi and bought some awesome guitar shaped glasses. It was fun.

I'm going to London next week to present Inspire to hopefully get more funding. I'm really excited, but nervous, too.

Now, I'm just watching Lady & the Tramp before bed. Meh, I can't write. Later.

The Valleys: Not as entertaining as you think

Hey,

So, have you seen The Valleys on MTV yet? I'm watching it now and guess what? I hate it. "Why are you watching it then?" Because it's my Media homework, that's why. It's so horrible. It's like giving us one major stereotype.

Yes, there are sluts in The Valleys and there are players, but they are nothing as bad as these tosspots. I mean, these guys are like a bunch of rabbits on heat. It's disgusting. You want to know what real valley people are like? Come here and you'll see. The media is making us look ridiculous. The media has made us look ridiculous. The make up, the sluttiness, the playerness, it's all fake. Yeah, the valleys are boring to live in but the sluttiness and all that is not as bad as this. Yes, we have some skanks and some arseholes but not to the extent they are putting it up to.

The self-esteem is beyond ridiculous considering almost all the girls think they are ugly here. "I'm glamorous, I'm sexy, I'm the best looking thing in Wales.com." No. Just no. Just stop it! Stop making us look stupid and ridiculous and stop making a fool out of us!

The writer is from the same place as me and I am ashamed to be from the same place as her. This show is appalling and I can't even get what I want to say out properly because how stunned I am by it all.

All in all, I hate scripted realities and I wish this wasn't my homework but I have to do whatever I can to get a good grade.

Disney Geek and Proud

A lot of people- teenagers especially these days- are massive and dedicated fans of something or another. This could be Harry Potter, Justin Bieber, Doctor Who, anything. I'm one of those people. I'm a Disney Geek. I get put down about this a lot since Disney is usually classed as for little kids. My argument? You're never too old for Disney.

People will disagree with my above statement and I understand that because they want to leave their childhood behind or they want to seem grown up. But me? I couldn't bare to leave Disney go. It's been in my life forever! It'd be wrong for me to let go. Well, wrong to me anyway.

Before I was born, my mother went out and bought all the VHS tapes of Disney that she could find. She could hardly wait- finally an excuse to watch Disney again. My Granddad even bought me a Disney Christmas video for my first Christmas and I adored it.

Disney has always been there in my life. My family and I have bonded over it so much and each trip to one of the parks has been an unforgettable experience and each one was unique and amazing. It's not like the parks are just for babies, either. I mean, a 5 year old wouldn't go on Rock'n'Rollercoaster or any big thriller like that. Disney is filled with those and so much more. It's not based just on kids, but all of the family.

I've always been a prime target to bullies and I don't really know all of the reasons- I guess I was unlucky there and it just happened. Disney was a big thing they picked on me for but now I'm not going to let that happen anymore. It's been there through the good and bad times. We've laughed and cried through it. It'd leave such a big hole in the family if we just stopped liking it or ignored it or whatever.

Whenever I'm at a Disney Park, I'm at my happiest. I feel at home. As cheesy as cheddar as that might be, it's true. I feel so at home and I feel beyond happy. It's hard to describe, but I love it so much.

I highly doubt that I'll ever get tired of Disney because there's always another chapter waiting for us. It's a never-ending story and I can't wait to continue it.

So, yes. I am a Disney Geek and I couldn't be more proud to say that. It's part of who I am and I shall embrace it and keep it alive in my heart and in my life.

In Alice's Curious Labrynth 2010

Goofy and I 2010

Curious Labrynth 2010

Walt Disney World, Florida, 2005, Animal Kingdom

London's Biggest Disney Store 2012

Our second visit- first time in Walt Disney Studios which was newly  built!

Christmas Eve 2011

My first ever visit to Disneyland, Paris

My apps ready for our next visit this December!

Pissed off that the ride had ended.

Me and Becca at a fancy dress party- I was Cinderella and she was Tinkerbell

Walt Disney's quotes got me through Race for Life 

So hyper before the night parade! 

No idea what I'm doing but I was tired. 

What Goes Around, Comes Around

I know this is right after two recent blog posts, but I feel like doing a bit of a "Who's Laughing Now?" kind of post.

So, it's like midnight-ish and I'm bored, surfing the interwebs and looking at Facebook. There was a post by a friend of mine and this girl commented it. I saw the name and it was this girl who used to bully me. Not so much with like straight out obvious insults, but just little lines which hurt and even tripped me up and pulled my hair, but she did it quite discretely so nobody could see, but I could freaking feel it.

Anyways, I click on her pic, just to see if she's changed at all. And oh my God. What a mess. Bright fake tan, bleached blonde hair, horrible make up, lack of clothes, alcohol in the hand and a stupid pose on her face. I just instantly laughed. From what I've heard, she's got a reputation of being a skank, too. She looks awful and I doubt she will get a proper relationship like that. I know it's kind of stereotyping, but not really because she has done this herself. She makes this reputation herself. I remember a rumor about her once which I would have been beyond ashamed of if I were her. So ashamed, I'd transfer schools.

This girl has always looked down on me, thinking she is better than me and I should practically "worship" her. But I know a lot of girls like her and they don't get a very happy ending because they are classed as "easy", "skanky" and "predictable".

Seeing her, and all the other girls that have turned out like her, is shocking about how they think their actions and everything is good and think that's what girls are expected to do. I swear, boys may like that, but men don't. Lads, think about it, do you want to be in a relationship with someone with such a bad reputation and who isn't very trustworthy? Because if I were a guy, I would not want something like that.

Those type of girls used to put me down and make it out like I was some other species and take the mickey out of me and make me feel like I was worthless. But now I've learnt that they are the ones who lack the worth (does that make sense?) and I can be worth something. More than they are, anyway. Getting on with your work and doing good is worth it in the end, no matter how "nerdy" or "geeky" it seems. I could end up with a high paid job by the end of it, and they could be working in a shit tip or even on the dole.

So, to all the skanks who thought they were better than me, you are a whore. Sort yourself out while you can and make something of your life. Yeah, you YOLO, so don't screw it up.

Peace and shizz. oxoxo

Start of a New Chapter

Hey guys,

With all the rage I had in my last blog post, I forgot to say how Results Day went. Anyway, all I'm going to say is that I had a C in Media which was completely unexpected considering the school didn't bother giving me revision and I had it of another girl in a Welsh school who didn't need the English revision notes. As much as my school has a good reputation, it was very poor with regards to helping the students on reduced time tables, such as myself. With English- the grade I needed to get into college- I had a D, purely because my English teacher didn't turn up to do the Speaking and Listening assessment with me, so they gave me a G. A G? How unfair is that? I didn't sit it because of her, so therefore... I got a G.

The day after results day, my mother and I had to go to confirm my lessons in college. Now, I thought I wouldn't be able to get in because I didn't have English, but that wasn't the problem. The college were great. They were confused about how the school could do that with my English and rang a few different places, but they didn't tell me what happened. Since I wanted to take Media Studies and I did have the C, they said that was okay and I could take photography in the day instead of English because it's not like necessary for me to take it. I could have taken it, but they said because I'm coming back into mainstream education, I might find it pressurising to have English as well as my other subjects and I could have more frees if I didn't take it. So I didn't take it.

I absolutely love my time table and I am really looking forward to starting next week. Here's my time table:

Look at all the free lessons! And no lessons Wednesday!

So yeah. That's it, really. My mother took me out to buy new clothes since we don't wear uniform. I'm really excited and it's awesome how relaxed the college is.

See ya.

Charity Comes From the Heart

Hey,

So most of you have probably heard of the website ask.fm where you can be asked questions, right? Despite the fact that I don't really use those sites, my friend Demi (check out her blog, it's awesome!) used it a lot on Twitter and I fancied having a go because I was bored. I had the usual questions, some weird ones and some perverted ones. Then I recieved this: "Why do you do charity work? Just be selfish! Make the bastards look after themselves."

My reply? 

"I'm appalled by this. I do it because there are people in this world who physically can't look after themselves and because I have abilities to get off my backside, walk, talk, listen and all that, I can do something on their behalf. I can't physically go and look after people, but I can help raise the funds for professionals. I don't want to be selfish. It also makes me feel good and forget the problems in my life because people are terminally ill or sleeping rough."

How disgusting is this? I mean, if you don't want to do charity work, then fair enough, but telling others to be selfish and "make the bastards look after themselves" is horrible! Don't they know the meaning of the term "charity"? In case anyone else doesn't or just to remind people, here is the Wikipedia definition for it:

The practice of charity means the voluntary giving of help to those in need who are not related to the giver.
Charitable giving is the act of giving money, goods or time to the unfortunate, either directly or by means of a charitable trust or other worthy cause. Charitable giving as a religious act or duty is referred to as alms giving or alms. The name stems from the most obvious expression of the virtue of charity is giving the objects of it the means they need to survive.
The poor, particularly widows and orphans, and the sick and disabled, are generally regarded as the proper objects of charity. Some groups regard charity as being properly directed toward other members of their group. Although giving to those nearly connected to oneself is sometimes called charity—as in the saying "Charity begins at home" -- normally charity denotes giving to those not related, with filial piety and like terms for supporting one's family and friends. Indeed, treating those related to the giver as if they were strangers in need of charity has led to the figure of speech "as cold as charity" -- providing for one's relatives as if they were strangers, without affection.

There's a lot more under the definition, but I feel this is enough for you here. 

In the definition, it states "The poor, particularly widows and orphans, and the sick and disabled, are generally regarded as the proper objects of charity." 

Look at the words I have highlighted. This is what each word means, for those who don't know:

Sick: (See illness) Illness (sometimes referred to as ill-health or ailment) is a state of poor health. Illness is sometimes considered another word for disease. Others maintain that fine distinctions exist. Some have described illness as the subjective perception by a patient of an objectively defined disease.

Widows: A widow is a woman whose spouse or significant other has died, while a widower is a man whose spouse or significant other has died. The state of having lost one's spouse to death is termed widowhood or occasionally viduity. The adjective form is widowed. The treatment of widows around the world varies, but unequal benefits and treatment generally received by widows versus widowers globally has spurred an interest in the issue by human rights activists.

Orphan: An orphan (from the Greek ὀρφανός^[1]) is a child permanently bereaved of or abandoned by his or her parents.^[2][3] In common usage, only a child who has lost both parents is called an orphan. When referring to animals, only the mother's condition is usually relevant. If she has gone, the offspring is an orphan, regardless of the fathers condition.^[4] Adults can also be referred to as orphans, or "adult orphans".

Poor:  an adjective related to a state of poverty, low quality or pity.

Disabled: A disability may be physical, cognitive, mental, sensory, emotional, developmental or some combination of these. A disability may be present from birth, or occur during a person's lifetime.

All of the above means that a person being one (or more) of the above mean they need help. Their lives have  been disrupted from "the norm" by either physical issues or pain from loss. They need help. 

Charity is one of the lessons we can give ourselves in humanity. To be on the receiving end of charity is also an amazing experience, to know that there are people who do not look down on you and want to help. In my opinion, Charity is one of the core parts of any community because it is the link between all sorts of "cliques"  and recognizing them as being of equal value as human beings. Without charity you can not have a proper community because everyone is only looking to benefit themselves.

There's so much more I could say about charity, but you should find out for yourself and take part in it. If you ever think it is stupid, that's your opinion, but before you decide that's your opinion, open your eyes and heart and understand what it is and why people do it.

So yeah....

Sun Setting For Another Summer

Chello there,

So, summer is practically over. Even though I still have next week, but I don't really have much time to relax- it's all getting ready for college... if I even get the grades. I only need a C in English and I'm in. As you can probably guess, I'm dreading results day. I hate getting results for any exams- even spelling tests which count for nothing at all, they're to test you on your vocab for the subject. I still dread it. And I am not putting my results up on the internet whatsoever. No way, no how.

I'm in Porthcawl right now at my sister's house. We're off to a firework display tonight which should be pretty fu- oh.. it just started pissing down with rain. Beautiful. *Sigh* I guess we shall be changing our plans tonight, then. But it's sunny,too, so maybe we can still go over to Hi Tide or something. I hate when it rains when you've got plans involving outside. Hmph.

By the way, are you living in RCT? Fancy coming to my Coffee Morning for Macmillan? It's got live entertainment, knitting lessons, free internet access, nail art, wii games and much more, so it'd be awesome if you could make it!

Hmm... the weather seems to be lightening up a bit right now so maybe tonight will go on after all.

Eugh, I have ran out of words that will make sensible sentences for this blog.

Tra..

x

Sori, dwi ddim yn siarad gymraeg!

Hello there!

So, Saturday, I went to the Eisteddfod with CLIC! Wanna know how it went? Well, tough, I'm telling you anyway...

I met with Jess and Cat at Cardiff Queen St at 8:45 and we went to pick up CLICDan whilst en route to the Vale of Glamorgan — the Eisteddfod destination for the day (week/year... whatever). It was my first time at the Eisteddfod and once we arrived, the view was breathtaking. It looked so amazing and very lively. It seemed as though everyone could speak Welsh, so I felt out of place due to the fact that I lack this ability, but Dan can barely speak it and Jess only a tiny bit, so that was fine and Cat was our translator for the day.

We arrived at our tent where the CLIC stand was for the day and set up before going to get a cuppa and plan our day ahead. We looked around whilst filming different parts of the day and saw a number of things. From food stalls to stores and from a plane (yes, a plane which flies... it didn’t fly today though. Sadly.) to a lot of Welsh talent such as choirs, musicians and so much more. The atmosphere was amazing and you could really feel the Welsh culture — be it modern or good, ol’ fashioned.

There were a variety of stalls; enough to satisfy everyone: university stalls ideal for students and young people considering where to go next in their career and higher education paths, there were information stalls which could help you in so many ways (health, career, hobbies,etc). The BBC even had a tent with all things relating to BBC Wales and had a tardis, dalek and other Dr Who-y things.

The food at the Eisteddfod was expensive, but I guess that's how they make their money considering everyone needs food and drink and it was a very long day to go without. I had a pizza which was £6 but it was really nice. There were a lot of different food stalls so there was a big choice to choose from. The Eisteddfod is such a big event and I think you should be prepared so here are some things we recommend you need if you are to attend this one or any future Eisteddfods:

Footwear: wellies and/or snow boots are ideal because there's a lot of mud and you could slip on the plastic that you walk on. Converse, Vans or flats are a big no-no because they will be ruined
Bring a coat, even if it seems sunny: When we arrived, Jess and I thought that because it was sunny, we wouldn't need coats, so we left them in the car. Obviously, we forgot that weather has the ability to change throughout the day and it poured down towards the end of the day
Money: there's so much there to buy and food is expensive. I'd recommend £10 per person for food (not including snacks) and then as much spending money as you wish
Visiting: I think that because there is so much to do, you should try to visit more than one day to see everything. There's too much to do for a one day visit!

The whole day was brilliant and I absolutely loved it there. I would highly recommend you to go to the Eisteddfod even if you can't speak Welsh because they are all bilingual people so if you tell them you can't speak Welsh, they will happily speak English for you.

Massive thanks to CLIC for the brilliant day!

Gotta be honest, I can speak a bit of Welsh. Just less when I'm put on  the spot. Like, doing my work in school, I could write it down no problem. I could figure out sentences easily. I think I can write it better than saying it and understanding it when listening to it. But I remember for all my speaking exams, I wrote out my pieces with like half an hour to go before the lesson ended, so I started revising. I can't remember it well, either. I have to drill it into my head. Some people can look once or twice and remember it  easily. I wish I could do that!

Tomorrow I'm off to the dentist again because my teeth hate me. So I need to get them sorted so they aren't so sensitive. Big tip for you: never buy Asda's own popcorn. It's broken two of my teeth! Little word of warning for you. Hopefully Ryan and Danielle will be visiting on Friday. I love it when they visit!


I'm off. I'm bored.

Byeeee!x

My Disney Lists!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I can't WAIT for December 26th! For I shall be returning home! My second home that is. My home that is Disneyland Paris! And since I am so excited, to keep me occupied for now, I'm making lists of things to do and whatnot and since I have nowhere else to put them, I'm plonking them on here.

Things to do in the Disney Villiage 

• Planet Hollywood (A MUST)
• Have an Elvis - The King Banana Split  with Gran
• Go to the 100% Rock'n'Roll night in Billy Bob's on Wednesday
• Go to Line Dancing on Thursday (Need to see Gran doing that! And Bob!)
• Go on the PanoraMagique Balloon with Dad to take photos
• Get the 20th Anniversary book (Disney Geek)

Things to do in the Disneyland Park

Fantasyland

• Peter Pan (fave ride there!)
• It's a Small World
• Snow White 
• Pinocchio
• Take photos up in the Sleeping Beauty Castle
• Dumbo
• Mad Hatter's Tea Cups
• Casey Jr

Frontierland 

• Big Thunder Mountain (Try not to scream in anyone's ear) 
• Phantom Manor
• Buy bracelets from the store

Adventureland

• Pirates of the Caribbean 
• La Cabine Des Robinson
• Pirates Beach

Discoveryland

• Star Tours 
• Captain EO
• Buzz Lightyear's Lazer Blast
• It's Dance Time... In Discoveryland

Main Street USA

• SHOP!

Things to do in Walt Disney Studios

• Animagique
• Art of Disney Animation 
• Flying Carpets over Agrabah
• Cinemagique
• Stitch Live
• Studio Tram Tour
• Lilo & Stitch Catch the Wave Party
• Disney Studio 1
• Walt Disney TV Studios (in Production Courtyard)
• Armageddon Special Effects
• Toy Story Soldiers Parachute Drop

I'll probably do much more than this but I wanted to write it down to get it out of my system. So yeah. 

See it in a different light

Hey there,

So, it's summer. And stuff. I'm getting better. I'm starting to get more positive and whatnot. It's great to see things in a different way, you know? I'm feeling better and I'm looking forward to the awesome things coming up in the future. I've learnt a lot in the past few days and I'm ready to move onto bigger and better things.

Yesterday, I went to see Eric Unseen in Caerphilly's Big Cheese and they were great, as usual. I loved their version of Starships by Nicki Minaj. That was entertaining. They also covered a variety of artists- from The Beatles to Meatloaf and from Nicki Minaj to Johnny Cash, not to mention doing their own songs. My personal favorite from the performance was probably their own song, Missing. It's just a catchy song.

        

                Eric Unseen cover Nicki Minaj's Starship,

                                                                     
I wish I went to more stalls around The Big Cheese. It was so fun and I love going to things like that. Events such as The Big Cheese are always entertaining. Well, to me at least. We went to the Dogs Trust stall, Hope Rescue (where we saw this gorgeous dog who looked like a little puppy, despite being 4 years old), Cancer Research UK tombola stall where if you didn't win, you won a chocolate bar and a drink- win-win there, and a few other stalls.

I'm so excited for Christmas, and I know I couldn't wait until Summer, but you'll never guess what- my mother is getting married! If you know my mother, don't tell her I've written this because she doesn't want the family to know yet. It'll be Christmas Eve and then Boxing Day we will be going to Disneyland, Paris! Cannot wait! So excited!

Lately, I've been feeling rather nostalgic. My stepbrother has just graduated university and I've officially finished school... it's mad. I can't stop thinking about the old times. But, I'm not sad. I'm feeling somewhat happy despite feeling nostalgic- not sure if that's normal- and it seems as though the near future is going to be like the past, but not... that made absolutely no sense, but I understand it, so there.

I'm really looking forward to college, but at the same time, I'm dreading the travelling. From Treorchy to Nantgarw everyday is going to be a drag. But, it's a really good college and I enjoyed my visit, so it should be a great two years ahead of me.

I'm running out of things to say, so I'm off.

See ya.

Boycotting the Boycotts

Hey hey,

So, this is going back to LGBT again. As I have previously said, I am straight, but I still support LGBT rights.

So, I've recently found out about people creating boycotts against companies who support LGBT.

First thought? "idiots."

Just because a company supports. LGBTs, doesn't mean you should boycott them. Would you boycott Adsa's if they supported Man Utd and you didn't? If the answer is yes, the you clearly take your footie way too seriously.

The following 25 companies have had boycotts against them for their LGBT support:-

Oreo
Betty Crocker
Levi's
Cheerios
American Appeal
Walt Disney World (all of Disney have, but this is on an American site)
Starbucks
Wheaties
Tide
Microsoft
The Home Depot
Pampers
Pepsi
Safeway
Crest
Old Navy
Girl Scouts
Macy's
Target
JCP
Phillsbury
Walgreen's pharmacy
Ford
Gap
Green Giant
Next

Now, you may not have heard of all of the companies as they are American, but nevertheless, they were boycotted. Why? Just because they believe in something- which isn't harmful- doesn't mean you should boycott them. You won't take your kids to Disney purely because they let homosexuals in? Or have a cup of coffee in Starbucks because they accept lesbians? How ridiculous!

There were boycotts in the past for equality. Now that they are accepting LGBTs, there's boycotts again. Make up your mind, people! Either you want equality or not! And anyway, it's not like someone of the same gender is going to sexually harass you. That's not what being a different sexual orientation is about. They don't go round trying to rape you or anything. They are normal people. Geez. Let them be!

So just because a shop lets people who are a different orientation from you go there, or gays are allowed to use the same product as you, doesn't mean you should boycott them. Stop making a fuss. I might boycott the boycotts and just do the opposite of them.

That's all I can say on the topic, really.

See ya.

Race for Life: It's us VS cancer

Sunday 15th July. A date where I made myself proud. Why? Because I participated in and completed the Cancer Research UK's Race for Life.

About two months ago, my mother and I were talking about problems that occur in our lives whilst watching Only Fools and Horses. When the adverts came on, the Race for Life advert appeared on our screen. That's when my mother turned to me and said "we should do that, you know. Forget about our problems and help those whose problems are very serious." My first reply?

"Mam, I can't run. I can't run to save my life!"

"Oh, don't be stupid, Jazz, with my back the way it is, I can't either. We can walk it, mun!"

We agreed that it was a good idea and signed up. Over the weeks leading up to the race, I worked hard in trying to get sponsors, training and raising awareness of Cancer Research UK.

Sadly, during that time, my uncle was diagnosed with cancer. And this case was (and still is) untreatable. Obviously, both my mother and I were (and still are) devastated at the fact, but we refused to give up. Having now going through what it feels like to have a cancer fighter as a relative, we could actually feel how horrible it really is for cancer patients' families and we felt as if we couldn't back down.

Let's skip onto the day of the race. I had to get up pretty early to catch 8:20am train. I'm not a morning person, but I was really looking forward to the day ahead.

During the train journey, the train filled more and more with women in pink. It just gave me this feeling inside. We're all in this together to make a difference. To save lives. When we got to our train stop, a sea of pink flooded throughout the train station and headed to Bute Park, Cathays- our destination for the day.

The walk to the park seemed rather long. We suddenly passed a lot of pink ribbon, which made us think it was there to guide us. Then we saw a "2KM" sign. We'd only gone and walked up the flipping course. Oh well, at least we knew our way.

When we got into the park area where the event began, the music pounded rough our bodies, the sea of pink got bigger and bigger and the atmosphere was amazing. My mother and I saw a free back massage area, so we weren't going to miss that opportunity, I can tell you that now. We had a quick massage- which felt amazing. My back felt so much better- before heading down to the stage. We were at the front at first, until halfway through, we decided to go to get a Race for Life t-shirt (which had all of the 6,500 participants names on there). There were two people from Capital FM presenting on the stage with dancers now and then and then the "Vaseline warm up team" came and warmed us all up. Imagine this: six-and-a-half-thousand women from all backgrounds, different parts of Wales, all bopping about to a remix song. It was pretty funny, mind. None of us had a straight face.

When the time came, everyone went to the correct flag (runners, joggers and walkers) and were led to different places. The walkers were the last lot to be taken to the starting line, so as we waited for the runners to take their positions, we were told to do a Mexican wave for their Facebook page. We were towards the back for this, and I wanted to be in the photo so what did I do? Jumped up in the air when it was our turn to raise our hands. I don't think it worked, mind.

With the racers ready, we counted down from 10 for them to start. It was pretty emotional because it was on a big screen and they filmed them going off. It hit me. "This is it. The big event. What we are doing for cancer." so I was a little choked up. We waited for the joggers to set off, before finally making our way to the start line. Reading people's back signs for who they were racing for was so emotional. To see little kids with "in memory on their mother" and photos of the people who were related to the racers was touching and it hits home about how serious it is. There were a lot of dogs also participating and one even had a sign saying "speedy paws for a good cause" written on it which was dead cute.

The race began, and we all started walking. The first K wasn't so bad, but each one seemed longer and longer. Just after 2KM, we saw a familiar face. It was only Martyn sitting on a bench to support us! We gave him a wave and he walked over and did about half a K with us before giving up and heading off to town to shop. Couldn't blame him really. It was tiring. Halfway through the race, my ankle decided to spazz out and hit onto the floor. It was pretty painful but I carried on.

At the 4KM sign, another familiar face popped up. Sinead was there cheering us on and walked the rest of the way with us, behind the banners. As we came to the final meter, I thought "let's do this." and ran it. Everyone cheered and the woman from Capital FM said to me through the mic "well done, lovely! You did well!" and I had a smile on my face. I collected my bottle of water, my medal and my goody bag. Sinead greeted me with a big hug and we all headed off to find somewhere to sit. There were massive beanbags laid out, so we instantly dived on them. We had a look around (and had another massage) before leaving.

Race for Life is amazing and I would recommend it to anyone who is eligible to enter. I also strongly advise that you warm up and train for the event. You will obviously feel some sort of pain after, but it's nowhere near as bad as the pain that cancer patients go through. I really hope to enter again next year, or if not, volunteer at the event.

Well done to anyone who also entered the race and thanks to all who sponsored me. There still is time to sponsor me to top the money up to raise more for Cancer Research UK. Visit www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/JazminWilliams or text JAZZ54 £1 to 70070. You really can make a difference. Together we will beat cancer.

Being the Same is Boring...

Hello there,

Earlier on, a person (who I will hide their identity since I'm not mean... Well that mean at least! I try not to be mean... Sorry, off on a tangent aren't I?) said to me:

"You are stupid. You're not like everybody else. Freaks like you are just stupid."

Which made me instantly think " What, there's a rule now? Everyone must be the same?"

If everyone is meant to be the same, in sorry, but I would get bored of living in this world quite easily and quickly. If everyone was the same, there would be no originality, no uniqueness. We would know what to expect. I would absolutely detest that.

No, I'm not like everyone else. I'm not "normal"... But at the end of the day, what IS normality these says, anyway? Because none of us are really that normal.

Yes, I have mental health issues, but so do many people. Does that mean I should be frowned upon? I'm sorry, but if you can't accept that I have a problem, or accept anything about me, then I just don't want you apart of my life. If you can't accept that I love Disney, if you can't accept that I'm not a size 8, if you can't accept that I love Miley Cyrus and Elvis Presley, if you can't accept that I suffer with cyclothymia, anxiety and depression,if you can't accept that I have LGBT friends and support LGBT despite being straight or accept any little thing about me, I'm sorry, but are we REALLY friends? Are you participating in a proper friendship or are you just going to stand there and judge me and then expect me to change? Well, wake up call, sunshine, I'm changing for anyone but myself!

There are so many people out there that are beautiful and each and everyone are different. They may be barking mad, they may be the brain of Britain, they could have ADHD, Bi-Polar, Depression, A learning difficulty, a disability, they are all different and all beautiful.

So, if you're a person who wants to chance me, please, get the f*ck out of my life, because you're not wanted not needed in it. I'll change if I want to.

And as for my problems, they are just apart of me. They screw up on times but other times, they just sit there and don't mess me up much. They will always be there, but who doesn't have some sort of problem in their life? Look at yourself in the mirror. You have a problem of some sort- whether it's insecurity, a mental or physical problem, a learning disability, a past which wasn't that great which affects you now, or even a bad habit. But if you expect to be loved and treated right, do everyone a favour and return the respect that you expect.

Sorry, I just needed to vent. Race for life is just over 2 days away and I cannot wait!

Imma go now, I'm bored and peeved off that I've just missed Eastenders. Dammit.


See ya.

Que Sera Sera

Some of you may think I used that title from the original song... I used it because of a Hannah Montana song and no I don't care.

Hello there.

How's life? Mine? It's good. Really good. It's GREAT right now. "What's she all psyched about now?" you may mutter in your head. Well, I'll tell you.

I'm free. Free from school for GOOD! I don't know if I told you that I went back to school to finish off some more BTEC Science (you can probably guess that I wasn't too happy about that...) just to get more qualifications and to bump my chances to get into college. So that's all finished now and I've passed. WHOOT! Happy? Indeed I am, you wonderful people, you.

But I can't be so excited just because of that, right? That is correct, it's not the only thing I'm jumping for joy for. Inspire, my project, had its funding accepted earlier this week meaning we get £300! I have so many plans for Inspire which I won't reveal just yet but yeah, there's a lot of good stuff going on. Even got plans for next year's showcase event which will also double as Inspire's First Birthday party. I can't wait.

Monday is going to be good. I visit college for the day. Though I have to be awake at like 6am. Not the best. Apparently, we get to see inside the new college, which will be amazing. I am so excited. It's a new chapter in my life. Goodbye, school. If you know me well, you'll know that school has been hell for me. I think my family are all a little emotional that it's finally over.

Tomorrow I'm off up the radio station and then having a little party up my house to celebrate my step brother, Ryan's 21st which was Wednesday and also celebrate that he had a 2:1 in uni and is graduating. So yeah, that will be fun.

Race for Life is just over 8 days away and I am so excited! It's been a long journey but it wasn't that difficult. Ice also filled a bag to give in at the Donation Station which could raise up to £25 in the Cancer Research UK charity shops. It feels awesome to help others.

It feels amazing to finally have summer. Despite it not being the summer holidays yet, I can start mine now, and that's awesome. Really awesome.

I'm going to go now because my dad is on the phone and I want to talk to him.


See ya! X

Living in Luton (well, until Monday anyway) days 2,3,4 and 5

I got too tired to post on the other days. So yeah...

Day 2

Woke up about 11ish. We went to Luton mall for a bit. I only bought a hair band for Saturday. We went around for a look and whatnot and had a McDonald's followed by fresh popcorn. We went back to my aunties before my dad went out with my cousin, Paul, for a drink. Meanwhile, my Auntie took me to get food. I had a Chinese again but this time I just had rice and pompadoms, since the were the only nice things. Not much else happened today.

Day 3

Up and early ready to go to London. After having a nap on the train, we got to London before catching a tube to Covent Garden. I hate lifts so I went up the steps. There were 193 of the buggers so I felt dead after climbing up them.

The good people of he Apple Store let me charge my phone in here which I was pretty glad about. We also went to Candy Cakes- a cute little cupcake cafe. Enjoyed it in there. We looked around before heading off to Camden. Didn't stay there all that long before heading off to Oxford Street. Obviously, Disney was amazing. Really enjoyed it in there. We looked around a little more before heading home. My dad and I both felt pretty ill so we thought it was for the best.

Day 4

Today was party day so I lounged about before getting ready and heading off. It was lovely to meet more of the family. We got on really well and my cousin, Kerry, had to beautiful dogs- Frankie and Rosie. Frankie's a Staff and Rosie's a Rottwiler. They were so well behaved and loved having attention. It was a great night and I had a lot of fun.

Day 4

A pretty lazy day. Popped to Luton mall for an hour and then came home. I had a nap because I've been feeling pretty ill all week. I woke up after an hour and my Uncle Norman and Auntie Pauline came to visit. Had a bit of a chat before uploading photos from last night. Now I'm just chilling on the sofa while my dad teaches my auntie Rita to use a laptop.

Tomorrow, we travel home. I dislike travelling. Especially by bus. Bleugh. But my mother has done my room out so I look forward to sleeping in my own bed tomorrow.

Living in Luton (well, until Monday) day 1

Hey hey.

So, it's day one in Luton. Today hasn't been the best. It was mainly travelling. After waking up at 6am with no sleep that night, travelling by train to catch a bus to catch a coach wasn't fun. Especially when said coach was freaking boiling and had no air conditioning. We were on there for like 4-5 hours. We arrived at Victoria Coach Station at about... Was it 1? I think it was about 1. I was too busy trying to battle my way off the coach for some oxygen. We grabbed our luggage and headed to the nearest pub. I, of course, had an orange juice while my dad had a coffee. That time off the bus was bliss. I felt really ill on the bus. I did try sleeping on there but it was so uncomfortable. Small review: if you want to travel cheaply to London, go with Mega Bus. Dirt cheap. If you're looking for comfort, luxuries and oxygen whilst traveling, you're better off paying more for a different bus. I dread the journey home already.

After our beverages, we headed to the stop for the Greenline bus which would take us to Luton. Since we had plenty of time, we popped into a shop where my dad bought me an iPad case for £20. Good quality, too.

We hopped on the bus once it arrived- and this bus was way better than the first- and had a two hour journey to take us to Luton. The journey consisted of this rude old man complaining about stupid things and insulting the driver, listening to some music and falling asleep but not actually sleeping. I still haven't had a full hours kip yet.

We finally arrived in Luton where my Uncle Norman and Auntie Pauline picked us up and took us to my Aubtie Rita's- our home for the next few days. We had a bit of a chat before they headed home and we went to get a takeaway. Must admit, the Chinese here has gone down hill. Didn't enjoy it anywhere near enough as last time. Meh.

For some reason, my cyclothymia had been playing up the past few hours... No idea why. Maybe it's because in slightly homesick? Maybe it's because I'm in a different environment? Who knows? All I know is it's irritating.

Anyway, that's all that's happened really. I'm tired but not off to bed just yet.

Nothing else to say...

Talk tomorrow! Xx

Alcohol, How I Hate Thee

I wrote this at 2am and didn't check through it due to my anger and tiredness so if it's not written correctly as a poem, it's a Jazzem.

Alcohol, how I hate thee

Alcohol, you may not be able to speak,
But you control what words
Come out of people's minds,
You're an evil substance, you ruin lives
I daren't associate you with mine.
Oh, how you act as an innocent drink,
But you mess with people's minds,
Control what they think,
You have caught many people in your
Stupid, horrific trap,
Though you won't catch me, no,
I shall never fall for that.
You may have taken my friends away,
Turned them into someone else,
I wish I could bring them back,
But alas, you are too strong for me.
People see you as a confidence booster,
Something to socialise with,
I see you as a life shorter,
You ruin people's chances.
So many lives you have taken,
I wish were non existence,
How simpler life could be,
If you were to vanish from this earth,
Alcohol, how I hate thee.

Nearing the End

Hey...

So, I've finished my GCSE's. Finally. Okay,my predictions are maths- fail, RE- fail, English- pass (just about), Media- pass (just about). I won't go into detail about what happened but there were some issues and what not so yeah.

I've decided to do the rest of my science as an extension to my already passed coursework. It will give me 4 GCSEs and therefore, I will only need one more C grade to confirm my place in college.

Friday, I went to an exhibition at he college I will be attending and I was so inspired. It was really amazing. The work done there is fantastic and it influenced me to work hard.

Speaking of being inspired,my project, Inspire had its premier for the new video the other day. Was pretty successful. Will write more about it when I have time.

I'm going to Luton next week to see my family and go to my Uncle's 70th. I'll also be going to London for the day whilst there. So excited. I think I'll enjoy Covent Garden a lot. It's such a lovely place.

Today I filmed CLICvlogs with some friends and stuff so keep an eye out for them.

So tired now... Will write again soon.

Norning x

7 Things Challenge

Hey guys, long time no speak. Sorta. Anyway, my friend challenged me to the 7 things challenge. Yeah, we're both Smilers so you can guess why it's called "7 Things". Anyway, I like doing things like this when I can't think what else to say but want to write. Enough babbling... Here we go.


7 basic facts about you

1. I'm female.
2. I live in Wales, UK.
3. I am in the middle of my GCSE's.
4. I'm a vegetarian.
5. I'm the youngest sibling, despite being my mothers only child.
6. I adore Disney
7. Miley Cyrus, Walt Disney and a few others are my idols.

7 foods you like

1. Pasta
2. Pizza
3. Chilli
4. Veggie Burger
5. Chinese Takeaway
6. Ben & Jerry's Phish Food
7. Tacos

7 artists you like

1. Miley Cyrus
2. Demi Lovato
3. Elvis Presley
4. Joan Jett
5. Eric Unseen
6. Dolly Parton
7. The New Objects

7 movies you love

1. All Disney films
2. The Last Song
3. Charlie St Cloud
4. Hairspray
5. Shrek
6. Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging
7. Wizard of Oz

7 people in your life you are thankful for

1. My parents
2. Wicidites
3. CLICers
4. Tash
5. My siblings
6. My gran
7. Other family

7 songs that you found on shuffle mode on your playlist

1. Love Me Tender- Elvis Presley
2. How Do You Sleep? - Jesse McCartney
3. Who's Laughing Now- Jessie J
4. The Way She Feels- Between The Trees
5. Countdown- Beyonce
6. Walk- Foo Fighters
7. Save It For The Bedroom- YouMeAtSix

7 places you love

1. Disneyland, Paris
2. Florida
3. My bed
4. Cardiff
5. London
6. Luton
7. Yngysyngharad park

7 accents you wish you had

1. American
2. English
3. Australian
4. Italian
5. Tennessee
6. French
7. Spanish

7 confessions

1. I still like The Wiggles
2. I used to get super scared whenever I saw Santa
3. I put myself down so much with regards to my intelligence that I act less smarter that I am told I an because I fear I will look stupid if I am wrong.
4. I am still pretty shy, but I act like I am confident around my friends, when really my brain is like "shit shit shit" and that's how I act idiotic.
5. I'm petrified of death- whether it's someone else or myself.
6. I feel like I'm trapped whenever I go to hospital.
7. I hate that my body always wants to sleep.


So yeah...

I now pronounce you man and pillow... hang on, what?

I am fuming.

Yes, I really am. Why? Because this word has gone mental. So we all know that the majority of the world will not allow Gay Marriage, right? Take a look at this article...

That article was no April Fool. People are allowed to marry pillows, yet gays can't? What?

This world is actually going mad. You should know that I believe that love is love no matter what the gender, but come on, marrying a PILLOW? Fu- is he on something? There's people willing to let a pillow waltz down the isle, yet if two gays who are in love want to get married, it's a big fat no? Can someone please point out the sense in this to me cause I can see none.

Other things people have married are cartoon characters, dead people and even animals. Come on, how the hell is that normal? And how unfair is it? You hear all these "excuses" about if gays marry, there will be less babies, etc. so marrying Princess Peach and Honeymooning with a pillow will increase the amount of babies will it?

"Being gay is unnatural" oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know I had to be sexually and romantically attracted to an object or something that doesn't have a pulse. Seriously, this world is seriously effed up if there are people in power in this world that are letting people marry objects that can't even breathe. How screwed up is that? It's like it's actually taking the piss out of the gays because they can't marry but everything and everyone else can.

Whoever came up with this load of bullshit needs their heads tested because I have never heard or read such bollocks in my life.

I'm going to shut up now because I'm highly irritated at this topic and I should be getting on with other things. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to propose to a spoon.

Bleurgh

Hi...

So, I've just come back from hospital and I'm using my blog to tell the people who are asking about me what's up.

If you've seen my Facebook and Twitter lately, you'll have seen me complaining about being in pain. I've been having pains in my stomach all week and tonight they got really bad. I was crying in pain. My mother thought that enough was enough so she phoned the out of hours department of the hospital and the doctor phoned back to say for me to go down. We went down and waited until I was called. He examined me, but couldn't do it properly as I was so ticklish. When he prodded my stomach I literally swung for him, but my mother grabbed my hand to hold it- what do you expect when you prod someone's stomach that hard? Especially when it's already in pain.

First of all he thought it was appendicitis [I was freaking out at this point] but after a few tests, it showed up as a water infection. Thankfully. He's put me on antibiotics and should I get worse, I need to be taken to A&E. If I don't start clearing up within 3 days, I have to go to my GP. Fun.

So, as you can see, 2O12 is turning out to be the year that I'm almost always ill for. Wheeee.

Yeah, so thanks for your concerns, I am still in pain [the prodding my stomach didn't help] so I'm just gonna chillax and all that. I have my college interview tomorrow so I'm gonna do some work for that- I won't sleep much tonight- garunteed.


See ya x

Where Next?

Holaaaa...

I don't know why, but people are nagging me about my future. It's really annoying. "Where do you plan to go after college?" Dude, I haven't even been accepted yet, chill. I've not even finished my exams. I'm not that worried about my exams. It's only Maths I'm concerned about, but if I fail that, I get to resit, so it's all good. I don't mean to sound vain or stuck up, but I think I'll get a C in the other exams since I know what I'm doing.

Despite not liking people asking me where I want to go next, I will admit, I have been looking online for inspiration. I suppose it's nice to have some sort of idea, but when people ask me, they expect me to know exactly what I want to do. Well, I don't. So there. I know I want a career in journalism or writing somehow. I just don't know what exact job. It's easy to say "I want to be a nurse, I want to be a lawyer" or whatever, but I suppose in the industry I want to pursue a career in isn't that easy. And so, no, I have no idea what it is I'd like to do.

I've been working on my portfolio all week, adding things to it. Photos, pieces of writing, all that. I'm rattling my brains trying to remember anything and everything I've done in order for me to put everything useful in there. I have my college interview this Thursday so I'm really hoping to get a place. Fingers crossed.

Anyway, enough of education. I'm working on a new project for Inspire. It's about bullying. Fancy taking part? Go check the page out. I'm applying for funding for the project for us to be able to do some more things. It'd be good to get Inspire to be something more than just an idea. I'd like to make a difference- I'd like to let people have their say and let them inspire others. After all, that's the whole idea of it. After the success of  Love Me For Who I Am, I've been inspired myself to inspire others. I've said the word "inspire" too much, haven't I? Oh well.

After listening to Billy Ray Cyrus, Dolly Parton and other songs tonight, I've decided I want to have a cowboy themed 18th birthday party. I've always liked the idea. I guess it's cause I've recently found out that Dolly Parton's Dixie Stampede is no longer in Orlando, Florida. Man, that night was awesome. If you've been to one of the shows, you know what I'm on about. If not, Google/YouTube it. It is so much fun. Anyway, yeah I'd like that theme for my 18th. I haven't even turned 17 yet so I really need to [pardon the pun] slow my horses. No idea what to do for my 17th. My mother said "BBQ in the garden." Yeah... we live in Wales, where it's almost always raining...Can't see that happening. But who knows?

I have nothing else worthy of discussing...

So yeah... x

Keeping it Up

Basically, this is just an update for the Race For Life prep and all that.

First of all, a big big thank you to all those who have sponsored me so far. If you would like to sponsor me and don't know how, just click here. Or, if you're in the UK, text JAZZ54 and your amount to 7OO7O. 

Anyway, I had my pack sent to me the other day. Very excited. I've also been training with my mother and Mavis [my dog] has also been joining us. I think she's enjoying it. Dalmatians are lonely dogs so she loves company. But not at 1am. I just went down to get a drink and I went to hug her. She grumbled. Not growled, grumbled. She never growls at us. She's too lovable. 

Moving on. I've been putting a playlist together for me to listen to in order to keep me motivated. So far on the list I have:-

1. Just Stand Up- Various Artists
2. Born This Way- Lady Gaga
3. Celebrate You- Corbin Bleu 
4. Firework- Katy Perry
5. I Gotta Feeling- Black Eyed Peas
6. Just Like We Dreamed It- Disneyland Paris
7. Who Says- Selena Gomez
8. The Climb- Miley Cyrus
9. Bohemian Rapsody- Queen
10. Skyscraper- Demi Lovato
11. Killing in the Name- Rage Against the Machine
12. Sweet Child O'Mine- Guns & Roses
13. Love Me For Who I Am- Nick Jonas and the Administration
14. Tears In Heaven- Luke Williams [My bro. Just to hear him singing, it makes me think "If he can go ahead and work on his ambitions and goals, then so can I!]

Not all inspirational, I know, but some are just songs I like to listen to while I'm on the go. So, I'm still in the spirit of doing the race and I'm really looking forward to it. 

Not really been up to much. Just revision, sleeping, revision and all that. Went out today for a Wicid meeting. Oh yeah, by the way, have a look at this? It's a CLICvlog. Martyn, Portia and I are in one. I don't say that much. I just look a twit with an a but there we go. 

                        

So remember, peeps, which one is your and which one is you're. You're an idiot if your going to ignore this, because it's important you know your you're and your. Get me? I will admit, in primary school, it did take me a little getting used to, and, of course, I tend to make the odd mistake, but still, that's accidental and if I notice the mistake I will correct myself. So, start taking more notice with your you're and your.

My dad is going away for two weeks on Thursday. I'm really going to miss him. I know I don't see him everyday as he doesn't live with me, but I miss the phone calls and when I do get to see him, which is every week. He's only just come back from Barcelona, but now he's going to stay with his brother, my Uncle Norman, in his house in Tenerife. Lucky for some. 

Well... I don't have much else to say, really. So here are some pics of today.

My arms look massive -_-

Of course we're not posers...

Martyn let me wear his glasses. They're awesome.

Me and Ashley 

So yeah... that's about it really...

Norning. x

I don't have a denial problem... Wait...

This blog is going to be based on denial. I don't know why, but I tend to deny things a lot- to myself mainly.

I've been doing it for as long as I remember. My earliest memory is when I was about 3. My gran's dog, Marley, passed away peacefully in her sleep. I kept repeating "she isn't dead, she's sleeping. She isn't dead. I know she isn't." Obviously, she was, but I just refused to believe it.

I have been doing this all my life now- I denied needing glasses, I just said I had two eye infections causing me to have blury vision.  I denied having migraines, I just said I felt ill. I denied my anxiety, I said I just worried too much. I even denied winning awards such as CLICer of the Year 2011 (not bragging, just an example) People thought I was joking when I said "there's some mistake here. I know it." but I wasn't. I genuinely thought there was a mistake and denied that it happened.

Last year, I denied two big things in my life- one lasting for six months. I won't say what they are but I think denying them made me ill in the end. I kept telling myself over and over that those things weren't true and that it was all in my head- they weren't. When my friend made me realise that they were true, I broke down crying- I didn't want to believe it but they were true. There was no hiding them.

I don;t know why I do this, but do. I wish I knew why. I don't understand why I do it. I'm not aware of anyone else who does it. Maybe it's a bad habit I've picked up from a very early age?

It's not like I lie about the things I deny, I just don't believe them myself. It's weird and I wish I knew what makes me do it. Obviously, I don't deny everything- If I did, I'd deny this problem.

I'm sick of the word deny now.

Laters x

End of Another Chapter

Hey there,

First of all, Happy Star Wars day. Not a massive fan of the films myself, but here's something for you...

Anyway, it's over. I'm done. No, not my life, though that's going down hill right now. I'm talking about Year 11 and my school life in general. Well, minus the exams. Yeah, my key worker, Cath, has let me finish early as now I have finished BTEC Science- which, I passed *Insert chuffed face here*- there's only revision for me to do, which I can do at home. I feel sorry for the other kids... they've had their study leave pushed back to the 17th May. Unfair, considering the fact that they sent letters out saying the leave was the 1Oth. I only have.... umm... 6 exams I think? Two English, Two Maths [yuck], RE and Media Studies. Can't wait to get them over with now. 

I also applied for two more courses in college; AS English and AS Media Studies. Whee. I have to be in full time education, apparently. Bleugh. Well, looking on the bright side, it will only be the subjects I like... unless I fail GCSE Maths... then I have to resit it. I don't want to resit at all. No. No, thank you. Ever since I can remember, Maths and I have never ever ever got on. I'm going to be revising for that. Well, I'll be revising for all of them, but I'll be working hard on Maths. 

To be honest, I do have some good memories in that school. Such as this...

I'm in the front row in purple. That was like my favorite shirt until the washing machine
bit holes in it -_-

Macbeth, Year 1O. We were in the Shakespeare's School Festival and it was so fun. I played a soldior. There were some trailers made for it which you can see here, here and here. I loved the dressing room, it was like our hangout for the day of the show. We were in the Millennium Centre from early hours until late at night, though, and we had to keep changing all the time in and out of our costumes, but it was fun.   

I can't remember much else I enjoyed. I did enjoy film making every Friday after school, but it wasn't academic, it was extra curriculum, so it doesn't count. Oh, and there was our year 9 production of Scrooge. I was an Urchin.

Me with David as Scrooge

Emily, Demi and Me! Scuse the crappiness of this pic... and me
looking a douche.

If I had to give any advice to kids starting secondary school, it would be to hang in there. You might like it, you might not. I personally didn't, but as long as you find something to do like an after school club or a hobby outside of school, do your best in your subjects, try and be friends with everyone [hard, I know. There are a lot of dick heads, but just try.] and just struggle through. Year 7 isn't all that important. I thought it was, but I was wrong. That's not me saying not to put any effort in, you should, but just remember, you're only in the first year. You'll settle in and get used to it. 

My cousin will be starting my school in 2O13. I don't know who to be more sorry for- him cause of the school, or the school cause of him. I'll probably end up going to see him in any shows he's in. So much for my freedom, then. Oh well, they can't do anything to me then so Ha. Hahahaha. *ahem*. I'm sure he'll be fine. He's a strong boy and he can be bloody chopsy when he wants to be Speaking of him, it's his tenth birthday a week today... I think? It's deffo next week. I'll probably be going to his birthday party. I can't believe he's ten already. I remember seeing him for the first time when I was nearly seven. He was just an innocent little baby in his carrier thingy and so quiet... now look what he's turned into! Nah, I love him, though, even if he can be a pest. 

Not quite sure what I'll be doing inbetween studying for my exams. I want something to do. I can't cope with sitting in the house all day, revising. God no. I need to get out. I need to be free. I'm getting bored of being in the house now. I want to get out. Nothing to do, though. Any ideas, please let me know.

Right, I'm going. I think I might go to sleep... 

Until next time... x