"Important" things- My views

Hi again...

I don't know why, but as I get older, I get questioned a lot about my views on what is considered "important". It could be my dad asking me something, it could be a teacher, whoever. I find that I am awful at trying to explain myself face-to-face, so I've decided to write my thoughts here. Say whatever you want- as my cousin once told me, opinions are like arseholes, everybody has one.

"What do you believe in- Science or Religion?" Okay, honestly? I wasn't there when it happened, so unless you   give me solid proof, I don't care. I'm far more interested in poor Roxy Mitchell coping with her love for Alfie on Eastenders. Far more interesting and less complicated. We all got here somehow- agreed? Right, then that's all I care about. What I don't like about religion is people shoving their religion down my throat. Piss off I don't want to join you and you can't change my mind, shut up. Yes, it's okay to be proud of your religion and to have your own beliefs, but trying to make people follow the same as you, just no. Shut up and keep waking. And same for Science. My science teacher did his best to try and convince us that Science is right. I couldn't care less, just give me the answers so I can study and get this test over with. It's okay to not believe in either and to not know. Why should you have to pick a side? It's perfectly fine to be in the "unknown" or "other" category. Don't ask me to join a side, because I won't. Not unless something big enough to prove it is discovered.

"Who are you rooting for in the elections?" Dude, I'm a sixteen year old girl who idolizes Mickey Mouse. Come on, really? I know I'm turning into a young adult, but I haven't got the foggiest idea with politics except the fact that our prime minister has a shiny forehead and Obama can sing pretty well. I haven't got a clue, so therefore, I believe I shouldn't vote. Nor will I follow the crowd. Maybe when I'm older, I may take an interest in all the politics and everything, but right now, no, no thanks. I do believe in the "voting at 16" though as there are some really mature young people out there who wish to go into politics. Just only let it open for young people who are generally interested in the elections. Today I was at the Taste of Tonyrefail and Labor were there promoting themselves. My friend got leaflets and everything and the bloke on the stand was like "I know you want a free balloon" and I said "you know me too well." Once I was given the balloon my friend said "so, you're rooting for Labor?" I replied "No, I wanted a free balloon and a free balloon is what I got." He facepalmed. Just because I had a balloon with "Labor" written on it, doesn't mean I support them. It means I was offered a free balloon and I wanted it, despite being 16. So, giving out freebies won't make me want to vote, it will make me want the freebee.

"When do you plan to move out and start your life?" Seriously? I mean I barely know what I want to do this weekend, never mind what I want to do with regards to moving out and all that. I'm only a kid/teen/whatever. I don't know what will happen in the future. I may meet a nice bloke, I might not. I might stay and live with my mother I might not. I'm taking things like that one day at a time. I haven't even finished my GCSE's yet, calm down. Geez.

I was going to discuss more but I'm getting bored now and my attention span isn't long enough for me to do so.

Naiiiite. x

At The Starting Line

Hola,

So here's an update about the Race For Life. I've signed up! If you want to sponsor me click here or text JAZZ54 £1 to 7OO7O to donate £1 to sponsorship. If you prefer to do it the old fashioned way, my sponsor forms will be here soon so if you want to donate face-to-face, just bring your donation along when we next see each other.

I am so excited. I literally had £5 within 5 minutes of setting it up. I won't get any of the merch until closer to the time. Or until I have money. But I will get something. If they have something in Tescos or something, I'll pick it up there, if not, I'll just buy online.

Training starts Monday. This week's been rather busy- my living room is being done out. I'm so excited, though. Roll on 15th July, I say! If you want to come along on the day to support, please do. It will mean so much. If you want to volunteer on the day, check out this website for all the information.

I know this is a small blog post but it's just a little update and just letting you know that it's officially begun- the Journey to the race!

See ya later x

Going Down

Cut me some slack, I'm tired and I can't think of a title.

Today... well.. today's just been... I don't know, to be honest. I got up early and went to my doctor's appointment for my blood test results- turns out I'm fairly low on iron. Whee. Thing is, my diet has quite a bit of iron in it- especially since I eat a lot of pasta, white bread and drink orange juice. The GP kept saying I was a vegan lacking iron and I was like "No, I'm not. I'm a vegetarian, but I make up for the iron with Beans, Pasta, Quorn and all that, I'm not lacking much iron, thanks." and he kept saying it. It's like "Dude, were you not listening?" Apparently not. Whatever my mother and I suggested, he ignored. Git. It wasn't my usual GP, either. He was like "If you don't put iron in your diet, your iron levels will continue to go down and you will eventually be anemic." Then he prescribed me with iron tablets. And no, don't be funny and say "Are they made of metal?" which is what the majority of the kids in my school would ask. Fair enough, my iron is low, give me the tablets, but bloody listen when I say that I have iron in my diet! It could be something else causing me to have low iron and you're not listening. Dick.

Anyway, enough of that. Another thing that seems to be going down is my reading skills. I was trying to read to my family something I had written and I kept stuttering, hesitating... not the first time, either. It's been for quite some time,now, but today really showed that I was struggling. I think it might be due to the fact that my mind is always racing and my speech can't keep up with it, so it's making me talk rubbish. In primary school I was like 5 years ahead of my reading age and I was on the "library books". I don't know if you had this, but we had key stages in reading and had the Oxford Reading Tree books. Y'know, Biff, Chip, Kipper? Well, I flew through the stages as well as a few other girls in my class and I ended up on the "library books" like a year or two above the rest of my class.

It's my mother's birthday today so in her honor, I shall post her favorite Queen song here. Not that it will make a difference, she only uses the internet for e-Bay. But, it's the thought that counts.

One year, I want to take her to London to see We Will Rock You. My school did it last year and it was really good, but I'd love to see it in London.

I miss Tash. For those of you who don't know, she's a friend from England. She's so lovely [Tash, if you are reading, that was not meant to be a joke... that's a song Tash loves by Scouting For Girls]. She's really been helpful ever since I've been friends with her, really. And she is so funny. So many witty things she's said! I swear, if she lived around where I lived, things might be much better. She distracts me from things and makes me laugh. I always have a smile on my face taking to her. Just thought I'd say that. Random, I know, but I miss her.

I've just returned from abandoning this blog post for a few hours [Not that you would have known] because I couldn't think what to say. But now? I want to say "Bleugh" because I am fed up of school. I've mentioned that a lot, but I really am. It's just like... because I'm only in part time it's all "Go! Go! Go!" and getting so many things done in so little time. I had to finish my Media assignment today. I felt like I had an unfair advantage. I had to leave out like half of what needed to be in the exam because the class had the references to other disaster films and I didn't and part of the question was "refer to other films"... yeah I would have been able to if the teacher supplied me with the right things. And another thing, she can't spell my name... despite it being in front of her. That's what I don't like about teachers. They correct you if you're wrong but if they are wrong with something like your name, they won't listen when you try and correct them. No wonder she can never find my files on her computer- she doesn't teach a "Jazmine Williams" she teaches a "Jazmin Williams". Well.. technically she doesn't now, but I'm still on the register and she still marks my work, but still.

I think I'll be much better off in college. There won't be as many people there I don't think... well... that I'll have to bother with. And I won't have to do subjects I dislike. Such as Science. And Maths. And I won't have to wear a uniform which looks ugly. Our uniform is so depressing. All blue with a burgundy tie with yellow and blue stripes. Lush.


Sorry, I've not been too positive, have I? I guess it's because I'm tired. And now it's 2:5Oam. I need sleep.

Norning >< xxx

My Bucket List

Hello again.

Think the title pretty much explains what this post is gonna be about-right? If you don't understand, basically, I'm listing things I want to do before I pop my clogs, rip up my ticket... you know. So yeah. Here goes. May I add, this is not in order. It's what I remember first.

1. Swim with dolphins- I've wanted to do this for years. They are so cute and I just want to be able to do it. And kiss one!

2. Visit Disneyland, California- Pretty obvious. I think I want to visit all the parks. I'm kind of worried about the  Tokyo one because.... well I'm a veggie and I don't know how popular the English language there. But the rest I definitely want to go to.

3. Hold a big event for charity- I really want to do this. Maybe a ball or something? I have so many ideas. If I had a big budget and a lot of time, I could totally pull it off. I'd need some help, obviously, but I have a lot of ideas. I want to combine two of my favorite things- People's happiness and doing something for a good cause.

4. Learn to play guitar- I have a guitar. It's electric. A friend of my broke one of the dang strings. I do want to learn, though. It's just finding the time.

5. Take part in the Race For Life- In progress. Roll on 15th July!

6. Have a Disney DVD day with my good friend, Martyn. We've been on about it for ages. Disney + Ben & Jerry's, please.

7. Get a book published. Fictional or not. I want to do it. Don't ask why, cause I'm not even sure myself.

8. Go on holiday with some close friends- It'd be amazing. End of.

9. Go on holiday with Tash- We need to do that. We just do. Disney, I reckons.

1O.  Go to Hollywood- So many reasons to go there.

11. Go to Nashville- My cousin went there before and said it was amazing. I need to go!

12. Go horse riding with my mother- We say we'll do it every summer... never happens.

13. Go to a Miley concert- Does this really need an explanation?

14. Go to a Demi Lovato concert- She is amazing.

15. Visit Italy- I don't know why. It'd just be nice.

16. Have a boyfriend- Cheesier than Cheddar, but I do. I'm not like "ohh mii gaaawdz, I am sooo desperate!" like a lot of girls I know, but yeah, at some point in my life I'd like one. And not an arsehole or anything because I know enough of them as it is.

17.  Go to a Taylor Swift concert- her songs are just wow.

18. Attend a big film premiere- I'd love to report at one. That'd be cool. Especially if it was L.O.L in London or So Undercover.

2O. Take photos of a wedding- Preferably a Disney wedding.

21. Do whatever possible to stop bullying- It is such a big thing. It needs to be stopped.

22. Throw a party with my friend, Portia- we've been on about it for ages as a 1,OOO view party for the project, Love Me For Who I Am... we need to do it.

23. Go on a Disney Cruise- They look amazing!

24. Meet Sophia Grace and Rosie- they are so cute!

25. Grant a wish for a Wish Child at Make-A-Wish- I just want to make a kid in need smile.

26. Go and see Children in Need live- Like be in the audience. That'd be awesome.

27. Overcome my anxiety- It's so horrible. I want to get over my Cyclothymia,too, but I don't know if it's possible.

28. Visit New York- Shopping spree, me thinks. But oddly, I probably wouldn't get loads clothes.

29. Travel first class on a plane- Just bliss.

3O. Have a pet parrot- It'd be so cool! I'd make him insult people I disliked, get him to say Lee Evans quotes, lotsa things.


That's enough for now. My hands are crampiiiing. I have my blood test results tomorrow. Apparently, there's something wrong. *Gulp* Fun.

Until we meet again.. x

Sweet Dreams

Oh, sup?

 I'm on my phone as I write this. I can't sleep and my mother has taken my laptop off me as it's a school night. Sucks.

Anyway, I am currently working on a new project video called "Stand As One" which is about bullying. You guys know how I feel about the issue so I do plan to do whatever I can to help beat bullying. This is a really important topic to me and it would be amazing if you could participate! Go to the Inspire Facebook page and that's where all the details are. I will also try and keep you updated via my blog with regards as to how things are going.

 I can't exactly do much right now as I am on my phone but oh well. Also if there are any words which make no sense on here, blame autocorrect. Okay, sometimes it's helpful but most of the time its not. It just irritates me.

I have the dentist again tomorrow. Whee. My filling didn't like me so it jumped outta my mouth. I didn't like it either and it was only a temporary one. Now I'm having a proper one so NEH to that.... I think I'm losing it.  I really cannot wait until 11th May because things will be so much easier for me. I don't have many exams and I feel okay with them. I think I will be pretty relaxed after I leave school. Oh, I do despise it there. I hopefully would have sent my college application off then, too. Wish me luck.

Ugh, I don't like talking about the future. Let's talk about The Black Cauldron. Have you seen it? Now you know I love Disney, but my God it's shit scary- and it's meant to be a kids film! How? I have no idea. I guess kids were harder to scare back then? All I know is I like the pig, Henwen. So cute. I watched it tonight with my mother and we both think it's quite scary to be a Disney film.

 I'm falling asleep. Time to get some shut eye, me thinks.

 Byeeee xxxx

Things get better Through whatever If you fall Dust it off Don't let up

*Title is from a song called Just Stand up which is by a variety of female artists. Check it out here*

I had a feeling I'd end up posting again tonight.

I'm just so inspired with the Race For Life! I just needed to do a post about it. If I do end up dropping out for any reason, I give you permission to scream and yell at me, lecture me, anything. Just don't kill me.

Anyway, I just want to write out some of my ideas,info and things here. Maybe it'll inspire some people to take part,too? Who knows.

The Event


Where? Blackweir Fields- Bute Park, Off North Road, Cathays, Cardiff
When? 15th July 2O12


Be part of the biggest fight against cancer at Race for Life and walk, jog or run to help beat cancer.
Enter now and raise money for our groundbreaking work that has saved millions of lives. Cancer Research UK is entirely funded by the public and we need your support to continue to make progress and give hope to people affected by cancer.


Training

I've downloaded the 5k Walking Plan that my mother and I will follow.

What To Wear

As much as we'd love to, we can't get the t-shirts because they're quite expensive. So instead, we've decided to wear plain white tops and jogging bottoms, then getting accessories from Cancer Research UK. We don't know what exactly just yet but if you want to buy anything in support of CRUK or Race For Life, then check out their shop. Maybe comment with what my mother and I should buy to wear on the day? 

What To Take 

Here's a list of what I plan to take in my backpack:-

• Water- Obviously. I don't want to dehydrate or anything!
• Camera- I want to take some photos of the whole event, including the walk. I may try and borrow a video camera or something to record the experience
• Enegry Bar- I'll probably want a snack or something. Never know. 
• Mini First aid kit- Probably not in an actual first aid box but paracetamols and plasters are a must. 
• Umbrella- It's Wales. We are known for our crappy weather. I'll have one of those mini ones.
• Sun cream- If a miracle takes place and it is sunny, then Sun cream is ideal.
• Purse- Well, bit obvious, really. Might wanna buy something?
• Phone- Ditto. I don't like being away from my phone. Maybe I'll tweet! If I have any 3G...

General Plan of the Day

• Arrive an hour before the start
• Welcome from the RFL Team
• Warm up
• Take our places
• Start time
• Celebrate! 
• Attend any of the activities that are taking place

That's all I can think of right now. But I thought I'd write a few things about Cancer here.

There are different things you can do to prevent cancer:-

• Give up smoking- It's the single biggest cause of cancer around the world. Get some support and advice if you feel it will be a struggle. 
• Keep active- I don't mean like an athlete or anything, maybe going on the Wii fit/Kinect, walking the dog, dancing around, anything!
• Keep a healthy weight- Exactly what I'm starting to do. Yes, I'm fat. I know that. I'm losing weight, though. I'm starting to take it more seriously and starting Monday, my mother is helping me learn to cook some amazing meals. 
• Stop drinking- Don't be funny, you. We all need to drink, just not alcohol. Seriously, guys, it can cause 7 different types of cancer. Even if you just cut down a lot. Just do something.

Right, that's enough for one post. I think during the prep for the day, I'll do blog posts related to it. If you are a friend of mine, please could you consider sponsoring me? Every penny counts. And if you fancy it, pop along to come and cheer my mother and I along! There's gonna be other fun things going on and the support would really help!

Keep Smiling, Keep Dreaming, Keep Believing x

A Brighter Day

Bonjour, Hello, Aloha and all that shizz...

I feel like doing an optimistic post today since last night I felt rather down and now, I'm feeling up again. Won't be surprised if I end up feeling crap again anytime soon, but s'life.

I'm still feeling rather ill but I've spent the day with my mother. We went to a few shops earlier on, got some clothes, etc. and had a Greggs for lunch. When I got home, I was really in need of a nap, so I went to bed for an hour or so before getting up and taking the dog out for a little walk with my mother. We had a good chat,too. When we got home, we made our tea which was lush. Photos below (:

I look pretty ill and the rain messed my hair up but I had fun (:

 Mavis enjoyed her walk :D 

Playing Gordon Ramsay. 

Et Volia! Bon Appetite! 

This tasted soooo good! And no, it wasn't alcohol. 

My mother and I have decided to take part in the next Race For Life together. Only we'll be walking it because of my knee and her bad back. But we're still doing it! It's for a good cause, so we're up for it. We then plan to do the Dogs' Trust Waggy Walks in October. Mavis, my dog, won't be attending, though, because she is a lunatic around other people and will pull us off course. If you're interested in taking part in either walks check out here and here.If you're taking part in any charity events this year, please let me know in the comments because I love knowing about things like this. If we definitely take part in the walks, I'll take photos of training and all that and post them up.

I think I need to change my life around. I can't be glued to my laptop. It's driving me crazy and it's taken so long to realize this. Deactivating Facebook for a little while is helping me. I will probably join back soon, though, because I get notified about so many important things on there like meetings,etc. so I do need it, but I'll cut my time down on there. It's not like it's that interesting anyway, it's just addictive. Back in my cheerleading days, I wasn't as addicted as I am now. I'm not going to join back cheer, because it's in the past now, but I need to do something to get me off here. Not for all the time but I need to cut down my hours. I think a lot of people need to. My sister is also a Facebook addict. If she lived closer, we could do something together instead, but she lives in London and she's supposed to be moving to Paris soon, so that's outta the question.

Anyways, I think I'm going to leave it here now. I might write something else later, I might not. Who knows? 

Peace and all that :P x

Feeling Dark

Me again [duh..]

I'm just writing a pile of shit right now, but I feel like I need to. I'm in my depressive episode, so just deal with it. I am not attention seeking at all. I'm just writing because I want to get it off my chest and maybe... maybe someone out there will understand where I'm actually coming from.

I don't understand myself. At all. I have weird thoughts. I get majorly paranoid. I honestly feel like everyone dislikes me and I tend to question them asking if they do still like me as a friend. Some get offended by this. Well, I'm sorry. If you want to be friends, you have to put up with the fact that I am a paranoid bitch who doesn't understand herself. If I question our friendship, please don't get offended. Just do what some of my best friends do [they're from England] and say "of course I am, silly!" and laugh with me. 

Another thing. I do talk about my problems a bit. That's because either 1. I need to get it off my chest or 2. it's because I need my friends aware of it so they don't get freaked out if I were to have a panic attack or seem all emo or too hyper. I don't want people to go "Oh, you poor thing!" or "Ugh, you're looking for attention." I just want them to say "Okay, cheers Jazz for informing me. I'll keep it in mind." or something. 

I also get hyped up sometimes. That's for 2 reasons. 1. I'm having a Hypomanic Episode of my Bi Polar or 2. I'm actually shy and I'm trying my level best to hide it... but I fail and just seem like a loony. If I ever get too hyper for you liking, just hold my by the shoulders and say "Calm down! Breeeeeathe!" and I'll get it. I don't even realize what I am doing half of the time. You need to inform me or I won't realize until later.

I worry too much. I think people who know me well already know this fact, but hey, that's why I've been diagnosed with anxiety. If I could, I'd throw all my problems in a box and burn them in a fire. But I can't. They are things that are stuck with me and I just haven't learnt how to control things yet. I get sleepless nights over some of the most silliest things. It's unreal.

My mind is full of such nonsense. I wish I had a stop button to stop all the madness and be somewhat normal.. It's so freaking irritating, you know? 

I have a low self esteem,too. If I take a compliment with shock, it's because I am not used to it or I highly disagree. Some girls call themselves ugly for attention I call myself ugly because my mind has been trained [thanks to bullies] to generally see ugliness when I look in a mirror or at photos. 

I am not writing this for attention, as I have said. I just want to write it out somewhere where I can look back at it. Maybe someone will get where I'm coming from or maybe someone will see it and it will explain to them why I can seem like such an idiotic freak on times. Whatever, I don't know.

I also apologize for things because I feel the need to. People from round where I live believe that people like me should kiss the ground they walk upon and I should apologize for whatever I do that they dislike. So if I apologize all the time, just say "okay" and humor me, yeah?

So yeah. My arm is hurting now. I think either I squeezed my arm too tight when I had to have my bloods taken or I have hit my elbow on something. But it hurts.

Norning. x 

Facebook You Later

Hey guys,


So, I have deactivated my Facebook or a little while. I'm getting way too stressed and Facebook is not helping me at all. Everything is getting to me and I don't know why. All I know is Facebook isn't helping me, so I'm taking a break. If I seem off to you at all or anything, please just ignore me. I don't mean to act weird but there's just a lot going on right now. I wish I could press a delete button and delete all the shitty things in my life.

I need to make some changes in my life. I need to stop being so addicted to the internet, I need to sort out being ill, I need to revise and I just need some time out. I had my blood tests today. It was supposed to take 2 minutes but took 2O instead because they couldn't find my veins. Apparently they're very deep. I hope they find out what's wrong with me because I am pretty fed up of being like this now.

I'm going to stop going on my laptop 24/7 and I'm going to do something. What? I do not know. It'll be hard at first but I need to make changes. It's hurting me a lot. I need to break free from it all. If you have any ideas what I can do while I'm having a break, let me know in da comments or I will be bored to tears. To be honest, I have no idea how long I'll be on break from Facebook. I haven't planned that far ahead. I just need to stop relying on it.

If I am acting like a total freak around you in person, I am sorry. I just... I don't know. I don't mean to act like a mentalist and I just need a bit of time and some support.

So, I'll catcha later. x

Under the Weather

Hey people,

So, as you can probably guess by the title, I'm not well. I've been sick like every other day and I'm weak and dizzy. My mother took my to the doctors this morning and they have booked me in for blood tests tomorrow morning. They're fasting blood tests, meaning I am unable to eat from 1Opm tonight [which has passed] until my appointment tomorrow [about 11am]. I'm not even allowed a soother for my sore throat. Only water. How irritating is that?

With feeling ill, I've also been feeling down in the dumps. I'm not sure why, but I am. And I feel as though a lot of things are my fault. It's really irritating. For the rest of the week, I'm going to just rest and do some revision. I don't feel like I am capable of doing much else, to be honest. All  my body wants to do is sleep and so today I slept for like 1O hours... yeah, not good. 

Despite feeling ill, I went to the CLIC Information Right Now event yesterday and that was fun, but I'm sure if I was feeling 1OO% I would have enjoyed it more. I didn't really feel like participating in the workshops, I just wanted to stand at a stall, help and just talk, but they talked me into doing the drumming session, which was rather loud. The event overall was really good, but I wish they had different food there, because I'm quite fussy and I wish the event was longer. Other than that, doo da doo, it's all good.

I'm getting pretty emotional again lately, but since I'm puking [sorry, had to say it], my medication clearly isn't getting to me so my emotions and mood swings are gonna reeeeeeeally mess up. Whee. I might get some more Ben & Jerry's after the blood test tomorrow because 1. It will cool my throat down and 2. Ben & Jerry's makes everything better. Or so I like to believe. Shh, don't tell me anything different, just let me have my fun!

Just three weeks after the holidays until I'm free from school [excluding GCSE's, obviously] and I truly think that it will help me a lot. I will be under less stress for one, and have a long summer. So glad. 

Sorry for this blog being... well... crap, but I just feel like typing and all that. I should go to sleep but I can't. 

I'm going to save you from boredom now and finish up *crowds cheer*.

Night x 

Questions and Lollipops

Hey hey.

Guess what? I'm wide awake. Again. I have a really sore throat [I cut it on a chip. Don't laugh.] and it's keeping me up. Ack.

I found this questionnaire thingy so I decided to answer it here.

If you could have one thing right now, what would it be? 
Ice. To cool my throat down. AGONY. *Remembers she has Ben & Jerry's in the freezer* Be right back.

Without moving, what are five things in your reach right now?
*Returns with Ben & Jerry's* Ahh. Better. Anyway. My ice cream, phone, pillow, laptop [duh] and spoon for my ice cream.

What is your motto? 
Well, I don't officially have a motto or anything, but in Maths once, I wrote on my hand "Keep Smiling, Keep Dreaming, Keep Believing" and It has stuck with me ever since. I think about it when I'm down.


When you're stressed or upset, what do you do to keep your mind off of things?
Usually, I write. Or listen to music. Or both. I also watch Disney films, but I do that anyway.

What is one thing you regret?
I know they say regretting is bad and all that, but there's one or two things I regret. I can't remember what exactly, but riiiiight now, I regret that I ate the first half of my ice cream the other day because I really need it now for my throat. If I had it all now, it'd probably be cooler.

What are you listening to right now?
The Way I Loved You- Taylor Swift.

Who do you miss right now?
I miss a few people. I won't name names but I do miss a few people. I miss some people despite seeing them a lot. It's like, the moment we say goodbye until next time, I miss them like crazy. But yeah, I miss a few people.

Have you ever cried over a person?
Yeah. I mean, like not just like over a crush, but I've cried because of a person's actions towards me, a person's decision,etc. Again, I won't name names, but yeah. I have.

Celebrity crush?
I used to have a massive crush one one celeb but I refuse to tell you who! You'll laugh!

What is your favorite ice cream?
Ha. Ironic. Ben & Jerry's Phish Food.

Who do you like right now?
That's a bit personal, isn't it?

What is your guilty pleasure? 
Oooh, I'm not sure! Disney isn't because I don't feel guilty. I shouln't have to! Pizza maybe?

One embarrassing secret you must tell.
Okay, I'm coming clean on this one. I still like The Wiggles. That kids band/program. I don't like watch it or anything, but if I'm super bored or upset or something, I might play a song or two to cheer me up and remind me of how much I loved them when I was little. Come on, they're a good excersise program! Call me weird, but it's true. They are just a blast from the past and something that makes me smile sometimes.

This or That


Coke or Pepsi?
Coke.

Converse or Heels?
Converse.

Pizza or Burger?
Pizza.

Parties or Sleepovers?
Sleepovers.

Books or Films?
Both.

Cats or dogs?
Dogs.

Harry Potter or Twilight?
Harry Potter.

Hugs or Kisses?
Hugs.

Summer or Winter?
Summer.

Justin Bieber or JLS?
What kind of question is this? None!

Sex, Drugs or Rock & Roll?
Rock & Roll.


Twitter or Facebook?
Both.

Okay, so that's it for questions.

What I wanted to mention to you is this thing on Facebook that my sister showed me today. It's called Take This Lollipop. She found it pretty scary, I found it funny. Let me know what you think! Clicky Clicky here if you dare. ;D Comment below with your thoughts because I'm interested to see if you found it funny like me or scary like my sister.

Today I just hung around with my sister and dad, catching up. Nothing major happened. Gotta get up early in the morning because I'm catching an 8:5O train to Cardiff to pack goody bags. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait, but I just don't wanna wake up that early.

Right, I'm off.

Byeee x

Sex in the City... Doesn't Make Me Feel So Pretty...

*The title is an Eric Unseen lyric that I've changed...check the song out here*

Hey, look who it is! It's my favorite readers!

I didn't expect to see you here. No, really. I didn't. I didn't expect anyone, but there we go. Another post? Yeah, well, I guess it's writing season for my brain or something? I dunno.

I was thinking earlier on about something that I happen to come across like everyday. I don't particularly enjoy talking about this topic, either, but people tend to call me "boring" or "lame" or whatever since I don't discuss the topic much. This is about how I believe sex is becoming apart of everyday lives. Not the actual... ahem... activity sex, but like the talk of it and the innuendos and all that. Before I go on, I will let you know now that I feel awkward writing this but I feel like I want to/need to get my opinions out, especially since I don't like talking about it face to face with anyone.

Right. First of all, there is more than one reason as to why I don't like talking about the subject. Numero uno- I have Cyclothymia and if you read this, then you will see why. Now, I'm assuming the majority of you won't click that link, so I'll just post the bit I am referring to here so you can see:-


Depressive Episode

Symptoms of the depressive phase include difficulty making decisions, problems concentrating, poor memory recall, guilt, self-criticism, low self-esteem, pessimism, self-destructive thinking, constant sadness, apathy, hopelessness, helplessness and irritability. Also common are quick temper, poor judgment, lack of motivation, social withdrawal, appetite change, lack of sexual desire, self-neglect, fatigue, and insomnia.^[14]

Hypomanic Episode

Symptoms of the hypomanic episode include unusually good mood or cheerfulness (euphoria), extreme optimism, inflated self-esteem, rapid speech, racing thoughts, aggressive or hostile behavior, lack of consideration for others, agitation, massively increased physical activity, risky behavior, spending sprees, increased drive to perform or achieve goals, decreased need for sleep, tendency to be easily distracted, and inability to concentrate.^[15]

The above is basically the two episodes a cyclothymic person has. The one I have put in bold is the one I am talking about. "lack of sexual desire". One reason why I am quite awkward around talking about it. Another reason is simple- I want to keep my private life private. Yes, I am a virgin, no I haven't had a boyfriend,but it is something I would want to keep on the down low. 

That's what I don't understand why some of my friends like to discuss different things about the topic like it's just a TV program or something. Why discuss it? Can't you keep your business to yourself? Because, to be perfectly honest, I don't want to know what you have been up to or anything like that. 

It seems as though wherever I turn, there is some innuendo or some joke about sex being made. I know this is probably just me, but I find it like... well I don't find it all that appealing. I'd much rather talk about how rubbish The X Factor is or something else. I just feel so awkward around the topic.

When I don't join in the conversations I get called things like "too immature" or "a wimp" or something. I'm not any of those things just because I dislike the topic. Why can't people just leave me and anyone else in the same boat as me alone? 

What really bugs me, though, is when people make what ever you do seem sexual or dirty or whatever. I swear, some people think of nothing else but sexual things and it is so annoying. Another thing that I find irritating is when people mime the activity on random objects or even people. Dude, if I wanted to see things like that, I'd visit a porn site. I don't. You look stupid. Stop it.

Right, that's enough of that topic now, it's getting on my nerves.

There's not much else happening for me right now. I'm going to see my sister tomorrow as she's over my dad's house, visiting. I'm looking forward to seeing her again. Friday I'm helping CLIC out with packing goodie bags,etc. ready for a conference this Tuesday.

My arm is dying, I'm going to leave it now.

S'laters x

Bullies and Idiotic Morons

Why, hello again.

We seem to be crossing one another's paths quite often aren't we? I am wide awake again and I've decided to write about a topic that is close to me- Bullying.Yes, I have been bullied. I won't go through the whole story but let's just say I've had the full set- physical, verbal and cyber bullying. It's not nice and it can do so much damage to you.  


I have become very afraid of going places alone- all thanks to bullies. I have such a low self esteem and I have become very paranoid. Some people are just very sick at the lengths that they go to just to hurt a people. Seriously? Are you that pathetic? Do you have no life? Or a heart? Now, I feel that it's wrong to judge people but I promise that I will judge bullies. They are truly pathetic. 

There is so much I could say and slag off bullies, but that's just pointless. What I will say, though, is I want to do something about it. I don't know how, but I do. I want to help schools realize the seriousness of bullying and help them set up some sort of campaign or a punishment for bullies. I want to help people realize that bullying is wrong and they shouldn't just sit and agree with the statement, but they should do something about it. Grounding their children if they are bullying, reporting bullying they are aware of,etc. It is so important and some people just think it's a "phase" or something, but it isn't. It can be a phase people go through, but nevertheless, they shouldn't have to go through that phase at all. Teens and tweens go through the bitchiness stage (I think my year group still are...) but it shouldn't turn into plain bullying. 

On the last CLIC residential, we could do some "rants" which I did. Here's mine on bullying. Excuse the patheticness and my awful hair. And just me in general...

Right. My next part of the blog is about pathetic people. People who just want to be irritating. Why? Why do you want to spend your free time getting on my nerves when you could do something, you know, interesting? Some people literally do things, like try and befriend my friends and put them off me just to piss me off. I really don't understand this. If I didn't like someone, I just wouldn't like them and that's that. Get on with my life. True, I do dislike some people, but I don't go out of my way to aggravate them. I just get on with my life, as you should. 

Hmm... it seems as though I have ran out of things to say. My brain is slowly shutting down for the night. I'm going to go now and talk to my friend on MSN [yes, I'm one of the minority of people who uses it these days.] and then get some shut eye. 

I'm going to leave you with this. Consider it a little message to the people I have mentioned tonight.

With love :) xxx

Love is Love

Hey again,

I guess I'm getting into this blogging shizz. But it's early days yet. Anyway, it's day 2 of the Easter Holidays and I feel like writing again. 

Question. When you see/read/hear/write/say the word 'love', what do you think? Do you think of a man and woman happy together? Maybe a marriage? Well, personally, when I become in contact with said word, I don't just think of a man and woman. I immediately see all the love couples there can be:- Lesbian couples, Gay couples, Straight couples, Bi Sexual couples, a couple involving a transgender. Although there maybe different orientations, that doesn't stop it from being love. 

Homophobia really annoys me. Especially when the homophobic person is practically a bully. I was out delivering LGBT surveys with my friend the other day. Now, I'm straight and I believe I will always will be, though there is no telling what the future holds, but I believe I will always be straight. Anyway, I have a lot of LGBT friends and I highly support gay rights. We were going about the town and we asked random people to complete the survey on behalf of my friend's project,Bridges, to which the majority agreed and happily filled it in. We then came across this middle aged bloke who was with his family. 

We asked the family if they wished to participate in completing the survey. When told what the survey is about he replied "I hate gays. I hate them." Now, according to my friend, I didn't have a nice look on my face. We said "Okay, well you can put that in the survey." He declined and once again repeated the statement "I hate gays. I cannot stand them, let me pass, I am going into this shop." Now, I played it cool, but seriously, what is that guy's problem? Some dudes love other dudes. What, is that going to kill you? Don't like gay love? Don't get it on with a person who has the same junk in their trunk as you! If you don't like gay people, blame the straight people, they are the ones who keep giving birth to gays. 

I really don't understand the hate against people who don't love the opposite sex. It's no big deal. It really isn't. I know a lot of LGBT people and they are lovely. There's nothing different about them. So what if they aren't straight? They still put one shoe on at a time and break wind like the rest of us so seriously, what is the problem? People are fussing over nothing. 

Anyways, enough of my rant. Today was the Bridges Social Event which I went along to help as I am an editorial member. It was good fun, though it lacked people. It was still fun though. I still socialized, just with people I knew. And Martyn gave me a £15 iTunes card to download LGBT music to play- I know have the likes of Johnny Cash and Ke$ha on my phone. Not exactly what I had in mind, but okay.

There's not much else for me to say on this topic now. So I'll leave it here. Maybe I'll write about another topic later. Depending on how I feel.

Au Reviour x 

Third Time Lucky...

I couldn't think of a better title and it's my third post. Not in the same day, but in the same 24 hours, so...

Moving on. I'm wide awake. My sleeping pattern is screwed up. Big time. Oh well, life has it's little problems. Just have to deal with them, yeah? So, as you are more than likely aware, it's the Easter Holidays. I hope you had fun stuffing your faces with chocolate. Me? I highly regret it. I think I'm going off chocolate *cue gasp from those who know me very well* Yes, it's true and not an April Fools, either. It's for the best really.

Do you ever get that feeling where you really want to write but haven't a clue what to actually talk about? I have that right now. Well, I get it like 85% of the time. It's highly irritating, but another one of life's little problems. To be honest, I can't quite remember what got me into writing. Ever since primary I've been praised for what I write, but I have no clue what got me into liking it so much. I suppose it could be because I can explain myself slightly better than when talking to people, because communicating vocally, I am shite. No idea why. Another reason could be because I despise maths so much and writing has so much more freedom than maths. I mean 5 times 5 will always equal 25 whether you like it or not, but writing... it can open so many doors, it can mean so many things. I love typing more than writing by hand because my handwriting is awful and holding a pen tends to give me a lot of hand cramp. Also, my mind tends to think so quickly when it comes to writing and my hands on a keyboard can catch up with my brain, whereas when writing with a pen, my hand is way behind. My brain has finished two pages and I'm still writing the first half of the first page... not good.

Ah, I write so much gibberish, especially at night. I will never understand my brain. Apparently, though, that what makes me creative. My imagination is so wild and unusual that even I don't understand it. They say (they as in my parents,etc.) if I use it wisely, I could achieve great things. But, I'm not wise. So that's me stuck then. My brain can be my best friend (not literally) on times and worst enemy on other times. It can come up with so many ideas and things I want to do in life, but then it can bring so much negativity and bring me down so much. I'd like to do a study on a bi polar/cyclothymic persons mind, but I'm too lazy and have other things I have to get on with and I'm just not smart enough anyway. And if it involves Science, you can forget it. I've got half an assignment to do before I finish Science forever! The only thing I love about BTEC Science is there's no exams at the end of it. Sweet or what?

GCSE's. The exams that every year 11 pupil has to take compulsory. Qualifications. Big time scare. For most people, anyway. I'm probably like one of the only teenagers in the UK who isn't too scared of the exams. Of course, I'm a bit stressed and I am anxious to know what grades I'll achieve, but the thing is, the college course I will be taking doesn't need GCSE's. The only two reasons I am completing the exams is because 1. they are compulsory and 2. future career. If I were rich, I'd dump them. I'd do other qualifications. Though, if I were rich, I wouldn't be jobless. No, I'd have to keep busy. I'd still stick with CLIC and Wicid and that's a promise. I'd have some sort of job but more than likely a job I really want because if I were very rich, I would own the company/organization/insert-other-type-of-business-here that I work for.

I do worry about the future. A lot, in fact. I mean, I've only now figured out what I'm doing after year 11. But what do I do after the 1-2 year college course I am taking is complete? Do I enroll on another course? Do I find a job? What? What do I do? And not just career wise, but what about family? When do I move out from home? I would like a flat of my own when I'm older, but my mother and I are so close, I can't imagine me living away from her. I shouldn't worry as much as I do, but I just can't help it.

Right, I think I've bored you enough for one night. If you made it this far, anyway.

Norning! [that's my word for Goodnight/morning. You see it's past 12am but not exactly classed as morning... you'll catch on...] x

Back So Soon?

Yes, I'm back again.

I have nothing else to do! So I just thought I'd write a little more. I guess I should introduce myself a little better than that. I mean, it was rather lame, was it not?

Kay, so yeah, 16, Jazz, Mmhmm, umm... what else to say? I'm currently in year 11 studying part time for some GCSE's. I hope to go to college in September studying photography. That should be fun. 

I'm the Street Team Leader for Eric Unseen's Street Team. They're a band from Wales who I really like and met at the CLIConline and Merthyr Rock's Battle of the Bands back in August 2011. And that leads me to CLIC and Wicid. They are two websites for young people- Wicid is the local one for Rhondda Cynon Taff and CLIC is the overall one for Wales. I've been involved with them both for nearly two years and no lies, they have literally changed my life. I've done so much with them, made so many new friends and experienced so many new things. I love them to pieces. 

I have won a few film awards over the past few years. UK's Best Short Film 2009 and Best Film in the 8-13 category Zoom '10 for The Message and UK's Best Short Film 2010, Best Comedy RCT and Best Comedy Wales for Fierce Headbutt. I wrote and acted in both of these films. If you really want to know who I am, I was Roxxanne Roxy in Fierce Headbutt and a number of background people in The Message. Yes, yes, I was the chavvy little idiot who was like "You are gonna do my homework, so you won't feel our pain!" and all that shit. 

I've decided to do a random list about me. Might help you get to know me better... possibly.

• I'm a fan of Miley Cyrus [no hate because it's not gonna hurt you]
• I'm a Libra
• I adore Disney
• I have a brother, sister and step brother
• My brother has a band, The New Objects. He's the lead singer
• I don't drink alcohol
• I don't smoke
• I don't do drugs
• I'm Dyscalclius [Numeral dyslexia]
• I was in a film with ITV Wales at the age of 6
• I have two Blue Peter Badges- 1 for a short story, 1 for a film
• I have family in England, America, Japan, Thailand and Spain
• I have been single since 25th September 1995 (aka the day I was born)
• I suffer with anxiety, bi polar and in 2009 I had depression
• I have a phobia of lifts (elevators)

I don't know what else to say, and more importantly, Eastenders is on. So that's it from me.

Until next time. x

A Whole New World

Umm... Hi...

Before I introduce myself, I'd just like to say, this whole blog thing? Not my idea. A friend of mine (who I promised I will keep anonymous... for now at least) nagged me to create a blog because apparently, what I write on polyvore.com is somewhat interesting. I disagree, but then again, I have nothing better to do... so let's give it a go, shall we?

Anyway, my name is Jazmin, but please, just call me Jazz. I much prefer it to Jazmin. No idea why, but yeah. I'm 16 from Wales and I dislike this whole introducing myself because I seem like a right weirdo and I feel silly. You'll get to know me if you read my blogs I suppose. If anyone does read. Oh well, I don't particularly care, it's something I do and a place I can write when I need to get something from my chest.

I like to write. The majority of what I write is a pile of manure and probably not that interesting at all, but it's something I enjoy doing, so I do it. I'm attempting to take up photography. I don't think I'm that good, but I want to follow in my dad's footsteps. He used to be a professional photographer, so maybe I can pick it up from him. 

I literally have no clue what to write, if we're going to be completely honest. I suppose I'll just write whatever is on my mind at the time. I really need to stop putting myself down but it's a habit I've had for too long now and it'll be a hard one to break.

And now my internet has died. Great. It's letting me do things on the pre-loaded pages, though so I can continue to write, but should I choose to save this rubbish, I either have to 1. save it to Word or 2. Wait. Just thought I would inform you of that information there. Oh, it's back. There we go.

Right, I clearly have nothing else to say to you, except... thanks for reading I guess?


M'kay, bye. x